Thursday, February 15, 2007

Sick Again

I'm sick, and I want to feel better.

I'm not terribly sick, the way I was last time ... which wasn't all that long ago. I figured I was done for the season. Not so, well-wishers, not so. I'm sick again, and I hate it. I'm determined not to let it get me, though. It doesn't seem as aggressive as the last bout of flu I had, so maybe this is a run of the mill cold. I can't tell yet. I'm pounding vitamin C and B complex, and I'm eating soups and drinking as much fluid as I can during the day to stay atop it. I'm a bit more phlegmy than I was yesterday, but it's not bad. I don't smoke while I'm at work, and maybe that will help too. I'm not traipsing out into the sub-zero or single-digit temperatures to indulge my dirty habit, but I do have to deal with it every morning and every evening when it's time to do the driving. Nothing can be done about that, unfortunately.


On a different topic, I'm considering writing a story. I don't know if it will be a story or a book, but it will be something like a story or a book. I have a new technique I want to try (okay, it's not new, but it's new to me and I've never tried anything even remotely like it). All I need is a good idea to support the style, and I'm all set. Heh. It will be a challenge to try and write in a voice I've never used before, but then again, I've never written in my own voice, either. I usually use what I've come to think of as my "writing" voice, but it's really not me. It's not hard for me to slip into it, but I don't really want to do that either.

So, into yet another style I go. I'm still trying to do "find my voice" and that's not really a great way to do it. Like drawing, if I only mimic other artists, I will never be anything but a mimic. And, I will only amplify the mistakes of that artist, never learn why the artist (whom, I presume, I admire enough to imitate) made the decisions, took the shortcuts, and chose to do the things they did. Instead, I learn only what they do. So it is with a writing style, I would imagine. The prose you use is something unique to the individual, and developing that "voice" (within the confines of good general rules of prose, grammar, etc.) can only be hindered by imitation of others. I think. On the other hand, I really, really want to write like that, and I can't wait to give it a try. If nothing else, it may teach me that what I actually like is reading that style, and writing it is best left to those who do it well.

We'll see.

On the subject of art, I still haven't drawn anything, although I must confess I've been sketching occasionally at work. Nothing where I'm cheating the employer; while I wait for other things to happen during the course of my job, I often sketch. Just heads, or maybe hands, or squirrels (I'm obsessed with successfully rendering a cartoon squirrel for some reason). I don't do full body sketches, and don't let myself become so preoccupied with drawing that I don't pay attention to what I'm doing. Still, it feels good to do it, and yes, I am disappointed with the results because I've been absolutely stagnant for more than a year. Alas, such is my life and how it goes. Nevertheless, sketching is better than nothing at all, and since it feels good, I'll probably try to find time to keep doing it through the day. If nothing else, I can start taking lunch and doing it, so long as I don't go over my allotted time slot. No one will notice, or care, I don't think. Then I won't feel so guilty about drawing at home, when I know I should be completing the $400 training I've paid for but haven't used yet. Or blogging.

Guilt is, after all, one of the major reasons I don't draw. I know it's true, but I don't know how to eliminate it or even minimize it's impact. I've been in such an artistic funk for so long, I haven't even broken out my supplies. I can't begin to tell you how frustrating that must be for my wife, but I can't help it. I can always think of something better to do when I get home, be it play with the kids, study the training I'm supposed to be studying, reading a book (about drawing, usually), or watching my favorite show. Or blogging.

Well, I don't have much to say. If you're reading this and you're a praying person, please pray for me and my health. If you don't, that's fine -- I'll be praying for you. :)