Sunday, October 30, 2005

Sunday ... Inertia

In thinking about the last two weeks, I’ve been realizing that I’m prone to inertia. A body at rest tends to stay at rest.

That physics principle is a guiding universal one, but how is it that, at nearly four decades old, I still haven’t managed to find a way around that for myself?

As a case in point, the force that brought me to rest was a serious cold or flu; I know not which it was, but it was hard. I missed a few days of work, but with my income dependent on my ability to log hours, I hadn’t the luxury of actually recuperating. As such, it likely took longer to recover than it should have. Not to mention other mitigating factors.

In the end, the result was that I came home from work exhausted. Between trying to help my wife raise our children and life just being lived, and having no one that can offer us help for whatever reason(s), I simply didn’t have the energy or desire to do anything after work. I was in bed normally by 10:30 p.m., and slept most of the night through. Get up and repeat the cycle the following day. The weekends were spent recovering from the week’s activities. Grocery delivery services are wonderful, I can tell you.

Here I am, feeling MUCH better, but still unable to draw. I just have no motivation. I come home from work, I play with the kids a bit, eat, and then plop myself into a chair to stare at the television for the rest of the night. It’s not something I’m proud of or pleased about, and yet there seems to be little I can do about it. I’ve posted some older work (meaning within the last few months) on various art boards, hoping something that someone said would motivate me to keep my pencil moving, but that hasn’t happened. I’m just … blocked.

I’ve heard a lot of artists going through similar things, but they seem to come out of it, and I can’t figure out what they’re doing, how they’re doing it and what I should do to break this stasis. It’s torturing me to have finally, after nearly nine years, reconnected with my artwork and not be able to find the time, motivation and the willingness to just grab a pencil and sketch. I’ve been close, but not close enough. It’s similar to writer’s block, but isn’t from lack of an idea or inspiration – although that’s a distinct part of it. I just … don’t draw, and the days slip ceaselessly away from me. Another finite and irreplaceable chunk of lifetime is lost to cursed inertia.

I don’t know how this will end, and I don’t know when I’ll break through this mental barrier (and I am convince it is mental), but I want to find a way. I need something that sparks me enough to at least finish some of the drawings that I’ve started, and left unfinished, but I have no idea what that something may be. This is the first time, in my memory, that I can remember running into this with my art – in other areas, it’s a somewhat regular occurrence and I know how to cure it. My wife is usually good for some insight here, but even there I’ve come up empty.

If you have an answer, I’m open to hearing it – though saying “draw through it” isn’t an option. I need more than that to get from here to there. That solution would help for feeling as though I’ve stagnated in progress, but does nothing for this quagmire.

God bless, everyone, and thanks for reading this if you did. Suggestions are welcomed and gratitude to those that make them.